When was the last time we sat down with someone who disagreed with us and just listened? ...Didn't try to convince them that they were wrong, but simply tried to understand.
I began writing a blog post to encourage the reader to generate compassion in their own heart, in hopes that it would be poured out in their communities… then I realized what state I was in. My fingers were passionately hammering the keyboard, my eyes narrowed, and my breath became shallow... I was writing out of anger, due to a news headline I had just seen. The words I had heard Loren Lahav repeat all weekend played in my mind, "we can't give what we don't have". So, I took a deep breath and shifted my focus to the initial prompt.
My family comes from a war-torn country, most of them fled during a massive Civil War that wreaked havoc across the beautiful land once known as “the Paris of the Middle East.” Although I don’t have any idea what it’s like to live in a place like that during a civil war, I do know what it's like when two parts of one whole are continuously diverging deeper and further. The past year has sometimes felt like a civil war of hearts and minds in the USA. As I type this, my eyes roll because I realize how silly that might sound but, at the same time, I realize how deeply divisive our words and actions have been over the last 12 months.
All over (social) media, I see people spewing hate in the name of tolerance, love, liberty, God, and togetherness. I see a lot of “if you’re ___, then you’re ___”, a lot of “us” vs “them”, “I’m right, you’re wrong”, “canceling", name-calling, labeling, a lack of empathy and abundance of shame. Shaming someone is telling them their experience or belief is bogus and it implies they are 'less than’. When we are solely seeking to be understood, we neglect the need to understand. When we’re yelling, we don’t listen. And when we’re certain that we’re right and all who disagree should be damned, we aren’t open to learning or connecting, and definitely not open to being wrong. When we are fearful, these emotions and behaviors are amplified.
"Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK Jr.
Practicing empathy is being able to understand and respect someone’s experience or belief without having to live it. When we lead with compassion and empathy, we are more likely to listen. When we listen, we can better understand. When we understand, we can connect, unite, progress, and grow.
We were not created to all look, act, think, and feel the same. We were each created with an incredible uniqueness. That’s what makes the world and people so astonishingly beautiful - diversity.
Imagine if you ate 1 food for the rest of your life, nothing else. Let's pretend you love Honeycrisp apples… Breakfast: Honeycrisp apple. Snack: Honeycrisp apple. Lunch: Honeycrisp apple. Appetizer: Honeycrisp apple. Dinner: Honeycrisp apple. Dessert: you guessed it, Honeycrisp apple. Every. single. day. Even if you love them, that would get really old, really quick. Too much of the same of anything gets really old, really quickly.
The other day someone told me, "the truest form of diversity, is the diversity of opinions." (Side note, we had just finished discussing our contrasting viewpoints on formal higher education) I had to sit with that for a second. How diverse are we really if we all have the same opinions?
We are all human, we will make mistakes, we will fall, and with the help of those who are willing, we will get back up. Let’s be the generations that come together despite our disagreements to show the rest of the world how to truly love. Let’s be the generations that show the rest that our differences are what make us beautiful. Let’s be that friend, coworker, content creator, family member, person behind a computer, who says “Help me understand where you’re coming from. I’m curious to know what it’s like from your perspective.”
Raise your hand if you could use some more love, compassion, and understanding in your life... Me too! These principles can be applied whether at home, at work, in the parking lot, on the internet or on the playground. If we put this into practice, I imagine we’d have a lot less despair and anxiety, and a lot more joy and peace. And who knows, we just might learn something new...!!!
We can't give what we don't have. So first, generate compassion for yourself, then, pour it out in every interaction you have.
Reflection Question: If I show more compassion toward myself, how will that affect the way I interact with others?